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To be who you are

To be who you are

Be who you are. "To do is to be." Lao Tzu What is my purpose? Who should I be? What is best for me to do? And finally, the crown of existential questions - “Who am I?” All these questions are often heard by psychologists at the reception from their clients. Questions aimed at understanding oneself as a subject in this world and at understanding the limits of the freedom of one’s choice and the ability to freely choose one’s own path. The paradox of this existential crisis is that a person basically unknowingly knows the answers to all the above questions.


The difficulty to answer oneself to the question “Who am I” is often due to the following reasons:

1. Fear.

Fear clearly express to yourself and others, who you are at the moment. What qualities do you have? The fear of self-expression, the fear of seeming strange pushes us to oust our real essence and at the same time replace it.The so-called "facade" or "mask", our socially acceptable me. I, with whom it is convenient and safe to live in this world. And this is not the real me.


2. Must.

Many people who turn to psychotherapists for help have a strong tendency to be due to someone. Basically, all this fits into one rule of life: “I must be good, otherwise they will not love and respect me”. But experience shows that being good goes against being loved and being respected. To deserve love becomes the main goal in the life of these people, and then their true essence, their true self, is completely lost. At the same time with a great need, great tension and a great feeling of shame are born. And here the person, persecuted by shame and being in great tension, realizes that to be good is a utopia that is impossible to achieve.


3. Meet the expectations of others.

Others want to be like this, be conformal, fit into society and be just like everyone else. To implement these goals, comprehensive institutions of education and a lot of laws have been created, which strictly monitor compliance with the conditions of conformism. Without a doubt, we are social creatures, and it is in society that we can realize ourselves as individuals.And the way it will be implemented, the way in which we will preserve our individuality in a crowd of similar ones, and will determine our ability to be ourselves. Understanding our true needs and flexibility in the implementation of our plans is what gives us the opportunity to break out of the shackles of meeting the expectations of others. Pleasing with others is closely intertwined with matching others. To please that I should and not do what I want. If you change this statement the other way around, you’ll get the way to our freedom of expression- “not to please others in their desires, but to do what I want to do without“ must ”and“ must ”.


4. Responsibility.


Taking responsibility for what we do is a characteristic of an adult and self-sufficient person. Together with the responsibility for their actions comes the responsibility for their choice. And this is what gives us confidence, this is what gives us pleasure to decide what and when we want. So, once again: responsibility - the ability to choose - self-confidence - the joy and happiness of their choice.


5. Self-actualization.


According to Abraham Maslow,a self-actualized person has contact with his life experience, can understand and accept his feelings and emotions, and takes pleasure in understanding what is happening to him now, be it fear or awe. Openness to our feelings and the ability to recognize them as part of ourselves gives us a tangible advantage on the way to knowing our true nature. Our life experiences may be different. He can be frightening and annoying, and he certainly affects us. Having recognized it as it is, and by accepting it as a part of ourselves, we make it our own property and translate it into our asset. Self-actualization of yourself, your feelings, your experience.


6. Adoption of others.


To accept others as they are, without criticism and without trying to remake them. This great wisdom of humanity gives us an indescribable advantage in understanding both ourselves, and others, and the world that is around us. And this leads us along the path of self-knowledge, since does not take away our strength and our focus on things that prevent us from self-actualization, i.e. in knowing your true self.


7. Own Self


Each of us has its own characteristics.It can be literally anything, and it can be expressed as anything. Our individual characteristics make us us. We should take a closer look at ourselves, highlight our subtleties of perception of this world, how we do something, and develop these qualities, make them them and us by them. This will make us bright individuals. This will be our pass to the world of our I.


Now I summarize all the above postulates into one. So, on the way to ourselves, on the way to self-knowledge, we can follow our instincts and not follow the obligation. This may be expressed in the fact that we intuitively feel that it is good for us now and where our focus is now. We can feed this area with our movement into it, like water, heading for the roots of a plant, nourishes it.

As we move, we may encounter our feelings and emotions. This is a value that should not be abandoned. Our manifestations make us alive and tell us who we are here and now. Fear, anger, aggression, love, empathy help us to understand where we are going and what we need now. Accepting our sensual experience, we can accurately identify the field of our interest, we accurately understand at this moment what we want and what we do not want.At this moment we take responsibility for our further choices and continue.

This may not be a confident walk of the winner, but the first uncertain steps of the discoverer. But behind every first step, the road to life is hidden and we have the strength to go through it.

It should be understood that the search for meaning and the search for oneself is a road long in life, this is our path, this is what we can and want to do. Search and find. Each time rejoicing at new discoveries and making another new step forward.

Understanding internal experiences and their relationship with the external, understanding ourselves and others, we go to what we want to know.

Step by step. Road going by walking.

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